Mirrors vs Screens

Vicarious

New Oxford American Dictionary

Adjective 

1. Experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person

“I could glean vicarious pleasure from the struggles of my imaginary film friends”

1. Acting or done for another “a vicarious atonement”

1. Physiology: of or pertaining to the performance by one organ of the functions normally discharge by another

Origins- mid-17th century; from Latin ‘vicarius’ ‘ substitute’ (see vicar) + -ous 

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A significant aspect of the late bloomer experience can often be watching life from the sidelines.

Part of the psychology of image/media is that we are taught to project ourselves onto the (television, movie, or digital device) screen, and imagine that we could be living the life depicted therein. For as long as we watch the film, read the story, or gaze at the image, we can seemingly experience aspects of life through the actor or model. 

But then it often gets confused.

We look at screens then reflect, even unconsciously, about our own experience and see the disconnect.

We often think we should be that person and begin to judge ourselves or become dissatisfied anew.

What we have to recognize and accept is that there is a difference between the glossy image on the page or screen and our own true identity and experience.

We are looking at screens, when we should really spend more time in the mirror (New Thought teacher Louise Hay even suggested a mirror work technique to increase connection with the self and for affirmation). Regular time in front of the mirror of self-examination, shadow work, and self-improvement it is necessary. We can often get so lost just staring at the screen that we ignore the mirror entirely.

On some level I think that we travel back-and-forth between reveling in those images and facing the reality of our own lives, personality, status, even attractiveness.

We become almost incredulous when it dawns on us again that we aren’t that person in the image.

And why do we watch so much? What is the point of watching? To live through someone else vicariously? Sometimes I marvel at how much of others’ personal lives I observe-celebrities and now with online communities, blogging (smile) and vlogging, even the “every day person” has become the object of my gaze. I suspect there are multiple motivations and motives for why we do this-seeking useful information, jealousy, hate watching, connection, and passive entertainment come to mind.  

The object of our gaze may be interesting and we can even make useful the jealousy they might trigger in us. Useful, if we are crafty and honest enough to alchemize that emotion. Some of the benefits of vicarious living can be that we are able to make effective use of creating a persona, a mask, or looking to archetypes to help us tap into certain energies for our own goals. Honesty is necessary because sometimes we become too self-righteous to admit we are jealous or we can do so, but we get stuck there-Instead of being inspired by that sense of jealousy and transmutting it toward actions that bring about personal progress, it becomes a weight keeping us stuck.

It’s OK to observe, or daydream, just take notes and get to living your actual life.

Vicarious living is analogous to watching someone else eat while you starve, as if watching them eat actually feeds you. It does not.

Feeding and satisfaction are key on the late bloomer’s journey. What did you do to get satisfied today?

Many problems come about by engaging while hungry. It is not advisable to grocery shop while hungry. Similarly engaging socially or making observations from a place of dissatisfaction or lack is not wise. Many people engage in arguments on social media about politics, lifestyle choices, and dating, often when there may be a sense of deep dissatisfaction in those areas of their life.

It is best to use our time and energy to go about feeding, seeking for ourselves. Then we can observe, or debate/discuss from the vantage point of satisfaction, if at all. In that case, there would be no ugly reality of our lack in that area to motivate our reactivity. Someone who is regularly sated in all of the pleasures of life is unlikely to be disturbed by a difference of opinion.

Now, How to Bloom: This week examine your Mirror versus your screen time…and go get satisfied.